When I look back, it sickens me that I gave up so much of me for the sake of someone else who, in the end, was never worth the sacrifice. I didn't realize just how much I gave up until I started spending time alone with myself.
It is natural for our tastes to change over time but the core of us typically remains in tact. I allowed my core to be buried because I was made to believe that what I liked was wrong if it didn't align with others.
If I really dig deep, I probably convinced myself of this belief when I was a young girl.
I wanted to fit in.
I wanted people to look beyond my weight.
Something in me has finally changed and I will no longer defend anything that helps define who I am. People can either accept me or reject me but I refuse to change for anyone again...ever. Period.
As of today, the following (in complete random order) is what I know, love, and, more importantly, accept about myself.
- I believe in God
- I have sinned...a lot
- I know I am saved
- When I see an ambulance or fire truck racing past me, I pray for the people they are going to help
- I am a tomboy at heart but I am always a lady
- I will put a dress on for work but you will find me wearing jeans and an old t-shirt or jersey on the weekends
- I do not have to put on a ton of make-up and dress up to impress anyone when I go grocery shopping
- I have high heeled shoes but I prefer to wear flats
- I love my Converse chucks
- I love my flip flops more
- I don't have to drink in order to have a good time
- I like Malibu Rum and Pineapple juice or shots of ice cold Patron when I choose to drink
- I don't like beer (but I like apple ale or root beer, beer)
- I am a coffee snob
- I love to people watch
- I love to laugh...a lot...
- I prefer the window seat on a plane
- A single, hand-picked flower will get you farther with me than the most expensive bouquet
- I tear up and/or cry when watching anything that tugs at my heartstrings
- I love to watch sports (especially football) and I yell at the TV when I watch it
- I sing along to the music in my car but I do not do it well
- I can sit outside at night next to a bonfire and gaze up at the stars for hours
- I love the smell of the air after it rains
- I love how the earth becomes silent when the snow falls
- I prefer to watch the snow fall at night
- I love music
- I believe music can bring people closer together
- My iPod does not discriminate and I have genres ranging from Christian to Rap
- My heart has a hankerin' for southern country rock
- I say things like "hankerin'", "eh" and "neat, neat toilet seat"
- My favorite saying is "that's funny"
- A man playing the fiddle makes me weak in the knees
- A man playing the guitar makes me weak in the heart
- I am a sucker for hot chocolate
- I am an even bigger sucker for popcorn
- I love to cook for others but won't cook for myself
- When I drank soda, I was a Coke girl
- I grew up saying 'pop' but for some reason, I now say 'soda'
- I like onions
- I love onion rings
- When I want to taste something that I shouldn't eat, like onion rings, I have been known to take a bite, chew it up really good and then spit it out (don't judge me...it takes more will power to spit it out after you start chewing)
- I am a weener when it comes to spicy food
- I have taken more than one swig right out of the milk jug
- I don't need a doctor to tell me I have A.D.D....
- Oh, look! A chicken...
- I don't like big parties (unless it is family)
- I have voted for both political parties
- Don't ask me to talk politics
- I own a Smith & Wesson M&P Compact .40 caliber pistol
- I like to go to the gun range
- I can hit my target
- My favorite movie of all time is "At Close Range"
- I will call or message a friend just to say hi
- I love it when people call or message me to say hi
- I read the entire Twilight series in five days (Team Edward)
- I read the 50 Shades series in four (Laters baby)
- I love to read
- I love to write
- I am writing a book
- It is my hope to inspire others with my story