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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Defining Myself

Since reaching my weight loss goal (and leaving my husband), I have been taking time to discover who I really am. I have spent so many years molding and shaping my likes and dislikes around others that I lost track of myself. I always felt like I had to like what others liked or they wouldn't accept me.

When I look back, it sickens me that I gave up so much of me for the sake of someone else who, in the end, was never worth the sacrifice. I didn't realize just how much I gave up until I started spending time alone with myself.

It is natural for our tastes to change over time but the core of us typically remains in tact. I allowed my core to be buried because I was made to believe that what I liked was wrong if it didn't align with others.

If I really dig deep, I probably convinced myself of this belief when I was a young girl.

I wanted to fit in.

I wanted people to look beyond my weight.

Something in me has finally changed and I will no longer defend anything that helps define who I am. People can either accept me or reject me but I refuse to change for anyone again...ever. Period.

As of today, the following (in complete random order) is what I know, love, and, more importantly, accept about myself.
  • I believe in God
  • I have sinned...a lot
  • I know I am saved
  • When I see an ambulance or fire truck racing past me, I pray for the people they are going to help
  • I am a tomboy at heart but I am always a lady
  • I will put a dress on for work but you will find me wearing jeans and an old t-shirt or jersey on the weekends
  • I do not have to put on a ton of make-up and dress up to impress anyone when I go grocery shopping
  • I have high heeled shoes but I prefer to wear flats
  • I love my Converse chucks
  • I love my flip flops more
  • I don't have to drink in order to have a good time
  • I like Malibu Rum and Pineapple juice or shots of ice cold Patron when I choose to drink
  • I don't like beer (but I like apple ale or root beer, beer)
  • I am a coffee snob
  • I love to people watch
  • I love to laugh...a lot...
  • I prefer the window seat on a plane
  • A single, hand-picked flower will get you farther with me than the most expensive bouquet
  • I tear up and/or cry when watching anything that tugs at my heartstrings
  • I love to watch sports (especially football) and I yell at the TV when I watch it
  • I sing along to the music in my car but I do not do it well
  • I can sit outside at night next to a bonfire and gaze up at the stars for hours
  • I love the smell of the air after it rains
  • I love how the earth becomes silent when the snow falls
  • I prefer to watch the snow fall at night
  • I love music
  • I believe music can bring people closer together
  • My iPod does not discriminate and I have genres ranging from Christian to Rap
  • My heart has a hankerin' for southern country rock
  • I say things like "hankerin'", "eh" and "neat, neat toilet seat"
  • My favorite saying is "that's funny"
  • A man playing the fiddle makes me weak in the knees
  • A man playing the guitar makes me weak in the heart
  • I am a sucker for hot chocolate
  • I am an even bigger sucker for popcorn
  • I love to cook for others but won't cook for myself
  • When I drank soda, I was a Coke girl
  • I grew up saying 'pop' but for some reason, I now say 'soda'
  • I like onions
  • I love onion rings
  • When I want to taste something that I shouldn't eat, like onion rings, I have been known to take a bite, chew it up really good and then spit it out (don't judge takes more will power to spit it out after you start chewing)
  • I am a weener when it comes to spicy food
  • I have taken more than one swig right out of the milk jug
  • I don't need a doctor to tell me I have A.D.D....
  • Oh, look! A chicken...
  • I don't like big parties (unless it is family)
  • I have voted for both political parties
  • Don't ask me to talk politics
  • I own a Smith & Wesson M&P Compact .40 caliber pistol
  • I like to go to the gun range
  • I can hit my target
  • My favorite movie of all time is "At Close Range"
  • I will call or message a friend just to say hi
  • I love it when people call or message me to say hi
  • I read the entire Twilight series in five days (Team Edward)
  • I read the 50 Shades series in four (Laters baby)
  • I love to read
  • I love to write
  • I am writing a book
  • It is my hope to inspire others with my story
Until next time my your life as you want to live it. Don't live a lie. Be honest - with yourself and with others. Be outspoken. Embrace yourself. Embrace others. Don't let go...


  1. Love this list! What a great idea...

  2. Just writing to say Hi! Really love the post and I like you for everything listed. I see alot of myself there. If we lived close we could meet and Starbucks and be two coffee snobs, people watch, gossip and laugh.

    I'm in Michigan!

  3. You rock! You have come a long way. You really have. You are going to inspire and encourage MANY with the story you have of overcoming all the odds.

  4. I just stumbled across your blog and I want to tell you two things. 1. I am in awe of your big weight loss and 2. You have some balls. It's never easy to change your life. Feeling crappy about yourself is a hard cycle to break. You seem to have freed yourself and I think it's fantastic. Sail off into the sunset, you wonderful woman. If you fall once or twice, remember you're just human and we all falter at times but think of your amazing achievements and feel the pride. Go sister. Go.


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