People often ask me why I don't include pictures of myself in my posts (other than my Loser or Seeing is Believing posts) or talk about how much I weigh. I have always side stepped this question but the reality is...I am embarrassed. Even though I have lost 108.2 pounds to date, putting that kind of reality out there for the world to read causes me great discomfort.
It is easy to hide behind an old profile picture on social media sites so your friends from high school (the ones you have not seen since graduating over 20 years ago) cannot see what a mess you have made of yourself. I find it humorous and ridiculous that I hid behind a picture that was taken nearly eight years ago because I did not want people to see the current me. It all stemmed back to those five little words that haunted me for so long...if only she were thinner. I felt people would judge me and think I was less of a person if they saw how much I had gained over the years. Why do we try so hard to impress people who have absolutely no bearing on our own happiness?
Well, the time has come and I will side step no more. I need to rid myself of the embarrassment so I can continue to move forward in my "Flyers Ed" journey.
Here goes...my starting weight in February was 336.6 pounds (ugh...those words still taste like vinegar when coming out). I honestly think my highest weight was a little more than 340 pounds at one point because I remember thinking that I had less than 10 pounds before I would be forced to use the "special" scale at the doctor’s office that was reserved for patients who weighed more than 350 pounds.
My current weight is 228.4 pounds (yes, that point four is important to me) and my goal is to get down to 175 pounds (just 53.4 more pounds to go). Considering that I was 200 pounds when I graduated high school, I feel that 175 is a very realistic and achievable goal for me.
There...it is out there...for the entire world to read. In the words of Yoda, "Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well...you should not."
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It is hard to publicize your weight. For a while, I was also very careful when I stepped on a scale because I didn't want anyone around me to be able to see it.
ReplyDeleteI've found it helps though. It helps me with motivation. Plus, I pretend that no one I know will actually read those numbers. :0) It's just between me and my computer, right? LOL
I am soooooo right there with ya! In many ways it is so hard to put the numbers "out there" but the further away I get from that "high" weight the better I feel about sharing. :-)
ReplyDeleteSo glad you popped by my blog and left a comment...I found yours a while back but at the time was having trouble adding you to my blog list...today it worked like charm. Go figure. I will definintely follow you now!
I'm going to do the surgery next summer, and I so understand not wanting to post the weight thing, or even post pictures right now. I wonder if I'll change how I feel post surgery?
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the weight loss
and nice blog :D